Red, White, and BOOZE ReHash!

Hares:

Porcelain Goddess

Tastes like 10th Grade

Hounds:

Master Baster

Butt Floss

Kickstand

Brown Hole Delivery (formally Just Scott)

Nurse TaKillYa

Cum & Feel It (FCH3)

One Trick Dick (SOH3)

Schindler’s Fist (Boston H3)

Spike

Just Rob Montana

Always a Bridesmaid

Cold Cocked

Ookie Cookie

At the on-After:

UFO

Bedside Pole Dancer

Male Bait

Head to Toe in Utero

Virgins:

Fisty’s Virgin, Uncle Tom

Virgin Todd (Just Rob Montana’s brother from Newton, MA)

First I want to say Baster gave me his plentiful and thorough hash notes and I completely put them to horrible use. Evidently the ink disappears when wet. So forgive the lack of details. =)

The Red, White and Booze Hash was set in Hector National Forest, on a beautiful sunny (and hot) 7th of July. We met up in and around the Foster Pond Parking lot. Where we drank and engaged in small talk while (gladly) waiting for our hares to finish hiding the beer. It was here we met Schindler’s Fist and Fisty’s Virgin, Uncle Tom from Boston. I don’t recall if they got lost or if they needed a break from visiting relatives but either way we were very glad to have them hash with us. Once our illustrious sweaty hares returned we collectively wiped our brows, drank another beer and engaged in chalk talk before heading out to look for trail.

After a couple half-hearted false starts (I think it was the heat) we finally found true trail, and I say “we” because I can’t remember who actually was ambitious enough to have actually found it. I know it wasn’t me… I was the guy lagging behind wishing I had more beer and less clothes.

Now here is where things get foggy… I remember thinking there is no way in hell I’m going to run in this heat… and then as a harriette ran by I forgot all about the heat and tried to keep the beautiful mobile hash view from out pacing me. (thank Gispert for you harriettes!) So what I recall goes something like this (sorry guys, what goes on in my head is pretty simple)

…Trees… hot… flour… ouch, thorns… cute ass… flour… trail… hope there is a tit check somewhere up ahead… bush… heh heh I said bush… hot… cute ass… I wonder what’s for dinner… flour… more trees… check… civilian dad and son fishing giving us weird looks and not many peeps are looking for trail, I’ll go this way… flour… on one… flour… on two…  hot… the sounds of true trail being found… running back because I ran the wrong way… tall grass… trail… being sad cause my mobile hash view was now Spike’s ass (no offence Spike I’m sure you have a cute ass too)… trees… hot… flour…  a bit of mud… more tall grass… there is a harriette in front of Spike… flour… narrow trail… hot… flour… can’t see around Spike…  dirt road… I could really use a beer and a pool right about now… more dirt road… confusion… people milling about… hot… Peeg said something not sure what… Floss calling a false trail and looking around in bushes… liar… 1st BEER NEAR!!!

There was much drinking conversing and consuming of orange (all merican)  foods before hitting the trail again. I won’t bore you with my sparse internal dialogue, lets just say it revolved around food, visually appreciating our cute harriettes (don’t worry we appreciate your minds too don’t we guys.. nudge, nudge, wink. lol) and thoughts of beer nears and flour.

I can’t remember much between the 1st beer near and the sparkler and shot check (I warned you all when you nominated me for the rehash). Many shots were consumed, all merican-like twinkie-ish things handled/fondled and possibly ate (well a half was at least) and sparklers ignited and placed in clumsy beer and shot numbed fingers by Baster. (who thought this was a good idea again?) Bottle rockets were shot off as a few of us watched the fireworks on Floss’ phone, (wow that is a great phone Floss you can almost smell the fireworks). Thankfully the forest still stands and we all escaped without burns… at least I think we did, I’m not really sure.

After a few too many shots (who keeps thinking it’s a good idea to give me more) we set out to find trail and I’m completely oblivious that shiggy went missing. I remember even less between the SSC and the 3rd Beer Near (technically the 2nd, because the other was a shot check?)  Highlights include a tit check (or was that a pee check Spike?), the trail kept veering right and left at the most inopportune times, a back check… I think, thanking Gispert for the hash, hope no one saw me hash trash… crap they did, thanking Gispert for cute asses (I hope that was a harriette’s ass I was admiring, can’t really remember), and the rest is pretty much a blur until we came on the most wonderful hash symbol of BN.

After much searching and frustration the beer and all-merican imitation Oreos were found. And with a mostly cold Pabst wetting my lips it hit me. Swimming Hole!! Off with the shorts and socks (why I’m not sure… they just got wet when I put them back on) and in I went Beer and all!!

Best beer near ever!

Swimming, being dunked by phoenix, more swimming, more drinking, last few beers being tossed around… and the eventual getting out, me finally learning about Shiggy (yes I’m a true halfmind) and with heavy thoughts of a lost Shiggy we set out to find trail, which was the shortest way back to the cars anyway.

Back at the cars heavy hearts were soon lifted when Nurse discovered Shiggy in the back seat of Peeg’s car (Smart dumb dog… or was it dumb smart dog!!) Coolers were brought to circle and the natives warned of our impending PG13 vulgarities (PG13, really Baster?)  Songs were sung,  accusations made and some poor soul was finally named (and showered in beer, damn Old MacDonald’s whale). In what order and exactly how I can’t remember. I just remember an incestuous song, Fisty’s Uncle volunteering to do down-downs he didn’t need to do (Go Just Uncle Tom!) and getting sent out of circle until I heard chanting of BHD, BHD, BHD, BHD… I so didn’t know what I was walking back into.

And then there was the On-After. My memory is really fuzzy at this point. I don’t remember a whole lot, mostly visual chunks floating around in my halfmind… bikinis, beer, swimming, a couple less bikinis, good food, more beer, cool conversations (though of what I do not recall), more beer, Baster shouldn’t be left alone with sparklers and a wooden statue of smokey the bear,  more swimming, more beer, poor Just Uncle Tom, more beer, I probably should have stopped drinking a while ago, more beer, field trip to the cabin in the woods, a convo about once you see someone’s boobs once or twice it’s kinda pointless to see them again (wow I remember that convo!), putting that theory to the test (boobs, boobs, and boobs again), mmm… theory proved wrong! (what? we love seeing breasts don’t judge us), PAT BENATAR TROPICO! (thanks Baster I totally forgot about that), heading back to civilization, more beer, being offered the couch in the Lady Bug Pub for the night (thank you ladies!!), more beer, dancing, more beer, more drunken convo, hot pockets, more hot pockets(evidently one wasn’t enough), one more beer, and then at some point waking up the next morning with my new hash name written in three spots on me.

I would like to thank a few halfminds-

Our Hares, for setting a awesome shiggy trail cumplete with swimming hole.

UFO and Bedside for their hospitality (and couch) at the on-after.

CoCo and Peeg for assisting with the search for Shiggy

And all the harriettes that ran in front of me (or flashed your boobs) you are my inspiration.

All in all… an awesome Hash, Brown Hole Delivery approved!