A Drinking Club with a Running Problem
This page is intended for the songs we sing and should learn, and can be amended appropriately. Although these are but a fraction of the songs sung around the globe, they are easy to learn, and many people know them all already. Submit suggestions if you’d like to see more.
BLESSING OF THE HARES
Comment: Optional prayer offered by religious adviser before the hash. This is the bare-bones version; in practice it’s often embellished.
Bless these hares,
Bless this trail,
Coppus no catch us,
Farmer no shoot us,
Doggus no bite us,
Heatus no stroke us,
Plenty of cold beer to drink,
Coitus non interruptus.
INTERNATIONAL HASH HYMN
Melody – Swing Low, Sweet Chariot
Note: gestures accompany words
I looked over Jordan and what did I see,
Coming for to carry me home,
A band of angels coming after me,
Coming for to carry me home.
CHORUS:
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home.
I’m sometimes up and sometimes down,
Comin’ for to carry me home,
But still my soul feels heavenly bound.
Comin’ for to carry me home.
If you get there before I do,
Coming for to carry me home,
Tell all my friends that I’m coming too,
Coming for to carry me home.
(repeat with variations: humming and motions only, silence and motions only, double-time)
MEET THE HASHERS
Melody – Flintstones Theme
Hashers, meet the hashers,
They’re the biggest drunks in history,
From Las Vegas, N-V (or your favorite town),
They’re the leaders in debauchery.
Half minds, trailing shiggy through the years,
Watch them as they down a lot of beers,
Down down, down down down down,
Down down down down down down down down down,
Down down, down down down down,
Down down down down down down down down down.
HIS ONE-SKIN
Melody – My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean
His one skin hangs down to his two skin,
His two skin hangs down to his three,
His three skin hangs down to his foreskin,
His foreskin hangs down to his knee.
Drink it down, down, down . . .
OPTIONAL VERSES:
Roll back, roll back,
Roll back his foreskin for him, for him.
Roll back, roll back,
Please roll back his foreskin for him.
His body lies over the ocean,
His body lies over the sea,
His father lies over his mother,
And that’s how they created him.
HE’S THE MEANEST
He’s the meanest,
He sucks the horse’s penis,
He’s the meanest,
He’s a horse’s ass.
All he does is pound it,
Ever since he found it,
He’s the meanest,
He’s a horse’s ass.
He’s always pissing on us,
He’s rotten and dishonest,
He’s the meanest,
He’s a horse’s ass.
So drink it down, down, down . . .
HERE’S TO ________ (BASIC DOWN-DOWN SONG)
Here’s to _______,
He’s true blue, (he’s a blue)
He’s a Hasher,
Through and through,
He’s a pisspot, (he’s an asshole)
So they say,
Tried to go to heaven, (he’ll never get to heaven)
But he went the other way, (in a long, long way)
So drink it down, down, down . . .
The Virgin’s Garter
Melody: Far Above Cayuga’s Waters
High above the virgin’s garter,
high above her knee,
lies the secret of her honor,
her virginity.
Chorus:
Roll her over oh so slowly,
softly in the grass,
seek we all now hungrily,
a piece of virgin ass!
Far below there’s busy humming
coming from her mouth
lean your head back, close your eyes
as she does her job down south.
HER LEFT TIT
Melody – My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean
Her left tit hangs down to her belly,
Her right tit hangs down to her knee.
If her left tit did equal her right tit,
She’d get lots of weenie from me.
Drink it down, down, down . .
The Drinking Song
Melody – Ach, Du Lieber Augustin
Here’s to brother (sister) hasher,
Brother hasher, brother hasher,
Here’s to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.
He’s happy, he’s jolly,
He’s fucked up by golly,
Here’s to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.
So drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Here’s to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.
DOES A HASHER?
Melody-Do Your Balls Hang Low?
Does a hasher like to walk,
Does a hasher like to run,
Does a hasher like to be where they’re having all the fun?
Can he drink a 12-ounce beer,
While his friends all sing and cheer,
Now your time has come.
So drink it down, down, etc . .
HASH HOUSE HARRIERS
Melody-The Addams Family
Their drinking is compulsive and
Their running is convulsive,
They’re morally repulsive,
The Hash House Harriers.
CHORUS: Da da da da (snap fingers twice)
Da da da da (snap fingers twice)
Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da (snap fingers twice)
Their flatulence is rude and
Their genitals protrude when
They’re running in the nude in
The Hash House Harriers.
They’re always shiggy tracking
From constantly bush-whacking,
Intelligence they’re lacking,
The Hash House Harriers.
Da da da da, Down Down, etc . . .
YOGI BEAR SONG
Melody: Camptown Races
(Take turns leading verses)
There is a bear in the deep dark woods,
Yogi, Yogi,
There is a bear in the deep dark woods,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
OTHER VERSES:
Yogi has a little friend, Boo-Boo, Boo-Boo . . .
Boo-Boo has a girlfriend, Cyndi, Cyndi . . .
Yogi has a girlfriend, Suzi, Suzi . . .
Cyndi has a shaven snatch, Grizzly, Grizzly . . .
Cyndi wears crotchless undies, Teddy, Teddy . . .
Cyndi likes it on the ice, Polar, Polar . . .
Cyndi gets what she deserves, Pregnant, Pregnant . . .
Suzi likes it up the rear, Dirty, Dirty . . .
Suzi’s boyfriend has no teeth, Gummi, Gummi . . .
Suzi’s snatch it smells like cheese, Camel, Camel . . .
Suzi she has great big tits, More than, More than (I can bear) . . .
Suzi gets four bits an hour, Jingle, Jingle . . .
Cyndi’s tampon has no string, Cotton, Cotton . . .
Yogi didn’t use a condom, Daddy, Daddy . . .
Boo-Boo likes it upside down, Koala, Koala . . .
Yogi didn’t wipe his butt, Brown, Brown . . .
Yogi got a case of crabs, Itchy, Itchy . . .
Yogi lights Kuwaiti farts, Saddam, Saddam . . .
Boo-Boo likes to stroke his tool, Wanker, Wanker . .
Yogi also likes young boys, Poofter, Poofter . . .
Yogi he has HIV, Dying, Dying . . . (ad nauseam)
CHAPPED HIDE
Melody: Rawhide
Ballin’, ballin’, ballin’,
That boy he keeps on callin’,
His crabs, they keep on crawlin’,
Chapped hide!
You thought he was the right one,
But he was a one-night stand one,
He’s shootin’ blanks with his gun,
Chapped hide!
Pick him up, take him home, ride him hard, make him moan!
Wake him up, saddle up, Send him home!
Chapped hide . . . Yee Haw!!
A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS
Melody: A Few of My Favorite Things
HARRIERS: Middle and Pinky and Index and Ring,
Throw in the thumb and you’ve got the whole thing,
It works just fine and it’s also quite safe,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the dawn breaks,
When I wake up,
And it’s feeling hard,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that’s when it feels so good.
Penthouse and Playboy and something called Forum,
They’re what I use to help start something going,
Centerfolds spread-eagled showing me pink,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When I’m lonely,
Really lonely,
By myself again,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that’s when it feels so good.
HARRIETTES: Dildos and vibrators and vaseline jelly,
That’s what I use to set fires in my belly,
In and out up and down making me wet,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Men are useless,
I don’t need them,
I’m the best I’ve had,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that’s when it feels so good.
Tight buns, silk undies, and erotic books,
Make me excited-I’m starting to cook,
I stir me up and the honey will come,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When I’m thinking,
Of a hard cock,
But I don’t see one,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that’s when it feels so good.
I LIKE COCK
Melody: Three Blind Mice
I like cock, I like cock,
See how they rise, see how they rise,
They fit so nicely and feel so grand,
They come in all sizes, all shapes and brands,
There’s nothing finer than making them stand,
‘Cause I like cock,
I like cock.
I LIKE SNATCH
Melody: Three Blind Mice
I like snatch, I like snatch,
Ain’t it cute, ain’t it cute?
Up against railings I’ve often stood,
Fucking young ladies and doing them good,
It’s so much better than pulling your pud,
‘Cause I like snatch,
I like snatch.
PUBIC HAIRS!
Melody: Baby Face
Pubic hairs!
You’ve got the cutest little pubic hairs,
There’s no one else on earth who can compare,
Pubic hairs!
Clitoris or vagina, nothing could be finer than those pubic hairs,
I’m in heaven when I’m in your underwear,
I didn’t need a shove, to take a mouthful of,
Those pretty pubic hairs!
GIVE ME A CLONE
Melody: Home on the Range
Oh, give me a clone
Of my own flesh and bone
With its Y-chromosome changed to an X
And when it is grown
Then my own little clone
Will be of the opposite sex.
CHORUS: Clone, clone of my own
With your Y-chromosome changed to an X
And when I’m alone
With my own little clone
We will both think of nothing but sex.
Oh, give me a clone
Is my sorrowful moan,
A clone that is wholly my own.
And if she’s an X
Of the feminine sex
Oh, what fun we will have when we’re prone.
My heart’s not of stone
As I’ve frequently shown
When alone with my own little X
And after we’ve dined
I’m sure we will find
Better incest than Oedipus Rex.
Why should such sex vex
Or disturb or perplex
Or induce a disparaging tone.
After all, don’t you see
Since we’re both of us me
When we’re having sex, I’m alone.
And after I’m done
She’ll still have her fun
For I’ll clone myself ere I die.
And this time without fail,
They’ll be both of them male,
And they’ll each ravish her by and by.
ISN’T IT AWFULLY NICE TO HAVE A PENIS (THE PENIS SONG)
© A Recitation From Monty Python
Isn’t it awfully nice to have a penis,
Isn’t it awfully nice to have a dong?
It’s swell to have a stiffy,
It’s divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger,
To the world’s biggest prick.
So three cheers for your Willie or John Thomas,
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife’s best friend,
Your Percy or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons,
You can slip it in your sock,
But don’t take it out in public,
Or they’ll stick you in the dock,
And you won’t come back.
ISN’T IT GREAT TO HAVE A CLITORIS?
Melody: Monty Python’s Penis Song
Isn’t it great to have a clitoris,
Isn’t it great to have a box?
It’s wonderful to own a vagina,
It’s grand to own a bush,
From the tiniest little hole,
To the world’s largest twat.
So three licks for your muff or furburger,
Hurray for your Venus mound,
Your piece of ass, your husband’s favorite toy,
Your pussy or your cunt.
You can keep it in edible undies,
You can put on crotchless panties,
But don’t take it out in public,
Unless you charge a lot,
Or you won’t get very rich.
LOVE ME TENDER
Love me tender, love me sweet,
wrap your lips around my meat.
Watch me smile, watch me grin,
as my cum rolls down your chin!
HANKY PANKY
Melody: Hokey Pokey
You give the right eye wink
You give the left eye wink
You give the “come here” wink
And he buys us both a drink
CHORUS: You do the hanky panky
Get his trousers down
That’s what it’s all about
You do the top lip lick
You do the bottom lip lick
You give a little giggle
‘Cause he thinks you’ll lick his prick
You put your right tit out
You put your left tit out
Nipples getting harder
So you shake them all about
You put your right cheek out
You put your left cheek out
You give a little wobble
Watch his eyes pop out
You put your right leg out
You put your left leg out
Spread them at the knees
So he can see what it’s about
You put the right hip out
You put the left hip out
Grab him by the ballocks
And you squeeze until he spouts
You put your pelvis in
You put your pelvis out
Go a little faster
And you grind it all about
You give the right ear groan
You give the left ear groan
Grind a little faster
‘Cause he’s going to drop his load
You give a right cheek kiss
You give a left cheek kiss
Hate to be a liar
But you tell him it was bliss
We’ve done the hanky panky and we got his trousers down….. So fuck off!
LADY HARDONNA
Melody: Lady Madonna
Lady Hardonna, men at your feet,
Wonder how you manage to beat their meat.
You find the money, when you need to pay the rent,
You know that money isn’t heaven sent.
Friday’s guy arrives without a suitcase,
Sunday’s Hasher creeps in like a bum,
Monday’s guy likes to be tied with his boot lace,
See how they’ll come.
Lady Hardonna, Hasher at your breast,
Wonder how you manage to please the rest?
Lady Hardonna, lying on the bed,
No worry about losing your maidenhead.
Tuesday’s love is never ending,
Wednesday morning milkman didn’t come,
Thursday night your diaphragm needed mending,
See how they’ll come.
Lady Hardonna, Hashers at your feet,
Wonder how you manage to beat their meat?
MY GIRL’S A VEGETABLE
Melody: My Girl’s a Corker, She’s a New Yorker
My girl’s a vegetable,She lives in a hospital . . .
CHORUS: I’d do most anything,
To keep her alive.
She has no arms or legs, She looks like a pony keg . . .
She’s got a new TV, They call it an EKG . . .
Her EKG it does not rise, But she still spreads her thighs . . .
My girl has long blond hair, It’s in patches here and there . . .
She can’t get out of bed, Still, she can give me head . . .
She’s got no arms or legs, She’s got two wooden pegs . . .
I’m always guaranteed a blow, Because she can’t say no . . .
She has no feet or hands, Her head’s connected with rubber bands . . .
She might not live the night, That means that she won’t fight . . .
My girl lives in an iron lung, But she can still give real good tongue . . .
My girl has leprosy, Parts are always sticking to me . .
SHORT SONG
Melody: Turkey in the Straw
Oh, the wiggle of her ass would make a dead man come,
And the nipple on her tit is as big as my thumb,
She’s a mean motherfucker, she’s a great cocksucker,
She’s my girl, she fucks!
FUCK THE GIANT PENIS
Melody: Puff the Magic Dragon
Once a pure white virgin lived by the sea,
She frolicked o’er pastoral fields, her name Virginity,
A sweet young lass of just sixteen, a rosebud ripe and firm,
She wandered o’er the verdant hills, not knowing of the sperm.
Well, Fuck the giant penis lived not far away,
His cock was damn near two feet long; he poked one twice a day,
He was an Ivy Leaguer with vest and pinstriped suit,
He drove a roadster XKE, the sexed-up extrovert.
One day while he was reaming around the rural strips,
He spied her picking flowers there-that lass with swinging hips,
He jumped out of the driver’s seat and grabbed her by the ass,
He tore off all her clothing, and laid her in the grass.
Her maidenhead was busted, the ground ran bloodyred,
He poked her till the twilight came, then took her home to bed,
He poked her till the sun rose, she begged for more and more,
He turned that pure virginity into a God damned whore.
THIS OLD MAN
Melody: Knick Knack Paddy-Whack
This old man, he fucked one, Don’t you know he had such fun,
CHORUS: With a knick-knack paddy-whack,
He fucked his dog alone, Fucked his dog and made him groan.
This old man, he fucked two, A baby rabbit and a kangaroo . . .
This old man, he fucked three, Put up mirrors so he could see . . .
This old man, he fucked four, Three wasn’t enough so he bought a whore . . .
This old man, he fucked five, Two were dead and three alive . . .
This old man, he fucked six, Has his sister turning tricks . . .
This old man, he fucked seven, The youngest one was just eleven . . .
This old man, he fucked eight, One sucked him raw and it felt great . . .
This old man, he fucked nine, God, this orgy is just divine . . .
This old man, he fucked ten, All he could say was, “Do it again!”
This old man, he fucked eleven, Died of V.D. and went to heaven,
With a knick-knack paddy-whack, Now his dog’s alone,
No one left to make him groan.
TWINKIE, TWINKIE, LITTLE HASHER
Melody: Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star
Twinkie, twinkie, little Hasher,
Can’t you suck a little faster?
Down upon my meat so slow,
Like a whale about to blow,
Twinkie, twinkie, little Hasher,
Can’t you suck a little faster?