The hash met this Sunday on a glorious fall day at the East hill park. Some of us met there at 3 and those of us that did had plenty of opportunity to enjoy the lovely day, see the lovely view, stretch a little, catch up with fellow hashers, make sure our shoes were tied, and say hi to the dogs until Homoses FINALLY showed up and got the hash underway. Before the hash began Heinous was having a problem with the fastening mechanism of his shorts because they were WIDE open revealing his running tights. Did he notice this? Did he do them up before we started running? No. The hash wound its way through the little park in a corkskrewesqe fashion. There were a few places we got to see more than once and became rather familiar before we left. One lap around the park and (much to Homoses’ relief) Captain Weeny came running up behind us and became this weeks hash BLAB. We were given an opportunity to annoy parents and abuse small children as we took over a rather small big toy before leaving the park.
From here the hash went strait to a sheep pasture and spent some time wandering around in it scaring the sheep. Those of us intelligent enough to short cut through the pasture (in the name of keeping the dogs out of the way of the sheep) saw in the distance a herd of peaceful sheep being followed around by a herd of directionless hashers and Heinous with his shorts undone (the implication is so obvious I won’t even mention it). Finally the hash gave up on the trail and went strait to where the shortcutters had been waiting all along. Following this was a series of fences to be navigated by two and four legged hashers, easier for some than others.
Speaking of four legged hashers, there were four furry friends with us last week and only three pet owners. Where was Prickless??? This will come as a shock to many people, but Prickless decided to play soccer rather than hash. Dexter came with her good friend Pixie and spent the entire hash examining the hashers to see if they were Prickless in disguise. None of us were.
There will be a big gap in the middle of this rehash because the rehasher was busy helping dogs navigate the fences and lost the hash. When Tessa and I finally emerged on Snyder hill we saw the distant figure of Hot Legs standing in a feild across the street so we did the smart thing and ran to him. From there we saw the entire hash (including Heinous and his open shorts) on the other side of an arena filled with horses and riders and no way across but to run through the middle of the riders. Since I wasn’t there to know otherwise, I can only guess that this is how the hash got to where they were. We tried to run around the arena and follow the sound of the hashers yelling ON ON but they seemed to be stalled because while the ON ON’s where enthusiastic, they didn’t go anywhere.
The final leg of the hash took us downhill AWAY from the park where the hash began. Captain Weeny and Hot Lips decided to be sneaky and run up to the beginning rather than run down the hill then (they thought) back up. They learned that laziness does not pay off because the hash ended at the home of Heinous (downhill from the park). Hairy Vetch and Tessa were indecisive, wavering over the up or down decision when Bam Bam drove up beside them all dressed for running but not a drop of sweat to be seen. Just back from the Catsgills conveniently in time to miss the run but catch the beer. Well done Bam Bam. Funny how Homoses was on the same trip and managed to show up to the hash (albeit late).
The on in was full of the usual shameless lies and slander. Neither Hairy Vetch nor RRRRRRRalph whined throughout the whole hash and should never have had to drink for it. Heinous had finally done up his shorts, but he still got to drink for his indiscretion. Homoses had to drink as the BLAB because Captain Weeny was waiting for the hash at the east hill park and was not present. He did get punished many times for his error when he finally showed up. Bruce was Lorena Bobbit for the day even though he tried to hide it by wearing running cloths. Hairy Vetch did a birthday side side and poured beer all over Trojans shoe. We had two namings, Tessa is now Toothy Lunker. She got this name by shamelessly trying to get Hairy Vetch renamed and for her disloyalty she got the name. Oops. Our second naming was really a renaming. Many hashes ago Tim was named Pussy Knee. This happened at the same memorable hash where Skull blew up a condom with his nose. Since everybody was so amazed by the condom trick and forgot about poor Pussy Knee the name never got used. There happened to be a mug with Spike on it already made, so Tim is now Spike.
I am told that movie reviews were a common rehash tradition that I will revive. I recently saw two movies that are worth mentioning. The River Wild is great because Meryl Streep is a totally tough babe. She is way tougher than the bad guy:(even though he has a gun) and both of them know it. She is also way tougher than her loser husband, but you can’t have everything. There is a little more violence than necessary but the action was fun. Pricsilla queen of the desert was a lot of fun. Transvestites lost in the middle of Australia in a big pink bus with about 50 pairs of shoes, where do they come up with these things?
One final word, at the party following the hash an anonomous non- hasher was heard to have said ”I can tell which of the men are hashers because they all have the same beard, what is up with that?’ What is up with that, men? Heinous was the last to give in, who is next?