All posts by Baster

Hash #891

Wankers of Ithaca H3, we are pleased to announce our customary celebration of  spring’s return to the Fingered Lakes by hosting the annual In-Vernal Gathering of Half-Minds! On Sunday, May the Fifth, we welcome back our road-whores from Stinko de Mayo Weekend@H5 by setting a sh*tty trail through the back[door]woods of Hammond Hill, with plenty of comestibles for them’s what want it, and will get it good and hard.

WHERE: Hammond Hill Road Parking Lot, off Irish Settlement Rd. outside Dryden [look for the Big [P] like we always do
WHEN: 2:69PM HST — summer hours, plus we know it’s a 4-hour drive from H5
WHY: To acquire a good thirst and satisfy it properly; to deliver us from weekly hangovers; to promote physical fitness amongst us; and to remind our elders they are not as old as they may feelGARB: Wear something suitable — traditional colors are yellow [beer], green [shiggy!], and red [blood!].
HOUNDS: Socialized, trustworthy pups only plz.
HASHIT: bring out the Horse’s Ass, the Hashit, the FRB pack, the other Hashit, the Bobbit, the Purple Head, and any other Hashy awards and random hashcrap you have laying around — and make a new one if you like!

[Feel free to share with our neighbors, but not the Fuzz]


Hash #888

The P*ssy Hash is back and your hares are taking you Cross Cuntry. Join Flowbs, LayzHer, and Peeg for an education in all things p*ssy.

Trail starts at Juniper Drive terminus on the South Hill Recway and delves deep into the crevices and folds of Ithaca. Meet at 2pm HST Sunday March 24 dressed as your favorite p*ssy. Extra points if you’re anatomical.

$5 gets you p*ssy-licious trail, beer, shots, and a knowledge of p*ssy that will astound your friends and family. Virgins and dogs are welcome, but should be leashed around p*ssy.


Hash #787

Join Baster & Debasement on the SHIG* trail in jubilant celebration of the colors of spring–by wearing as many of them as possible! This Saturday @ *1:69PM* at Pleasant Hovel, just off Route 366 in Varna, Park at the utility shed next door.

*BRING*: dry bag, hash awards, Baster’s BEER medallion + pins from his hapi coat that went missing Sunday, Earth Day treats to share before/after trail

*Shank Heavensh It’sh Grassh!

Hash #780

There will be a hash Sunday @1:69PM HST. Live hare, 2-3 BN. Spring-y weather. Downtown Ithaca, Aurora St. Garage. Theme: Sportsball! See Hareline for deets.


IH3 #750: March to Virgil Madness

Hey wankers –  IT’S SPRING! And this Sunday is IH3 750*!!!!!
*In Spike We Trust, I can barely count to three flour markings.
So get out of hibernation and come play with us in Cortland!  Hares Deer Near, Kickstand, and One Trick Dick (ordered alphabetically by height) have all the trail and drinks needed to get you through your  hashing withdrawal!
Theme, like college basketball or weather, is March Madness, so wear anything you think is appropriate (which could turn into Marsh Madness or Mush Madness based on the rainy weather over next couple days, so any attire for that also appropriate).
When:  Sunday Sunday Sunday March 29 2015, 2:69 HST
Where:  DEC parking Lot on Clute Road in Cortland by Pipeline Road.  (2500 Clute Road, Cortland NY will get you closeish, call a hare if you get lost).
What to Expect:  Awesomeness.  Dog Friendly Trail. Merriment.
What to Bring:  Hash cash, towel, virgins, sense of adventure, change of dry clothes and shoes.  If you have snowshoes or trax, consider bringing them; hares will advise at start of trail if they are advisable based on conditions from when we set.

IH3 #749: Twin Peeks V



Twin Peeks,Part We are not Sure Because We Skipped Things and Also, We are Just Not Sure : I Dunno, Let’s Go With 5?

When: Sunday March 15th 15:00 HST (3pm wanks) [she means 2:69 ADHDHST]
Where: Chez Head-2-Toe & Oakass :  61 Straits Corners Rd Candor.  [Don’t stop when you hear banjos.  Stop when you hear chickens.]
What/who to bring: Cchange of clothes, Virgins, comes latelys and your best green gear to honor the triple hash goddess.

Hounds are welcome if they don’t act like Nurse’s dogs. If not we will feed them to the meat eaters.[That escalated quickly.]
Head and Oakus will [allegedly] try and heat the barn with something that will [allegedly] not damage the brain cells you have left [after trail] , or we will have circle inside the house.
Hot tub will be open, suits are always optional. [After all, synthetic fabrics damage the uh, filters and so forth.]
Crash space available, but beware we get up early on Mondays. [Head is calling in sick on Monday, Nurse does not work on her actual birthday.]
On-On-On-Oooooooon this weekend is gonna hurt,
Head to Toe in Utero & Nurse TaKillYa (and super-not-secret-putting-up-with-us-hare Brown Hole Delivery, who is always rewarded for his efforts)

IH3 Trail #750: It Really Does Take 5 to Orgy

Ithaca Hash House Harriers 750th Trail
“aka, it really does take 5 to orgy trail”


One Trick Dick
Deer Near

Thank You Come Again
Packin’ Penis

It was a glorious sunny day with temperatures above freezing. A late March miracle? This Hound, as usual, had no clue where trail was so plugged the provided address into Waze and bravely followed the little voice telling me what to do. Panic was setting in when I spied Kickstand sitting on a cooler next to the road with a giant bag of pretzels. Praise Gispert. The little voice had not led me astray. OTD and Deer Near popped out of an SUV. Let the merry making commence.

I was forced to re-park my car to tighten up the lot since so many people would be showing up. Snort. OTD crashed 3 times on the same patch of ice. Half-mind. TYCA arrived after sitting in a wrong parking lot for who knows how long. Hash cash was exchanged, beers were drank, more beers were drank and we waited. And waited. And waited. It was with a heavy heart that we came to the conclusion that Ithaca was not coming to our 750th trail. TYCA and I resolved to represent the Hash as best we could. So we struck off into the wilderness on a glorious sunny day with trail beers in our hands since we had been warned that there were ZERO BNs on trail. Instead, our prizes were 750 mL bottles of alcohol. TYCA and I gallantly took turns leading trail.

This Hasher discovered a deer skeleton only minutes into trail. Deer Near could barely control her excitement. There were strange marks on trail resulting in some confusion and yelling for clarification. (Syracuse SOH4 had kindly set the trail for Ithaca and uses different markings.) There were F’s, x’s, R’s, O’s and too many damn Y’s. I came across a blue 750. What is this strange mark? After some digging, I found a 750mL bottle of margaritas. The pack quite happily drank the bottle and staggered off to continue our adventure. A song check resulted in TYCA declaring that he was a new hasher and didn’t know any songs. Mockery commenced. A week attempt at “Jesus can’t go hashing” and “They Ought to be Publicly Pissed On” satisfied Gispert that we were doing our part.

As trail progressed, the ever softening snow became challenging. One second you were standing on a nice patch of snow and the next one or both legs had sunk to knee depth. More mockery ensued. Lots of muttered cursing was coming from the general derection of a so-called Packin’ Penis.

We burst out onto a road to discover the second 750. This hasher dug and dug looking for the treasure, quit due to annoyance and cold hands and TYCA steps up and lifts it out of the hole. My Death Glare misfired and we all worked at drinking a rum concoction.

At the urging of the Hares, (probably more like nagging since the Hounds were quite content basking in the sun with our bottle of rum), the hounds were sent out to find trail. This hasher started up a hill following footprints in the snow. TYCA began to whine that if he followed the other set of prints leading downhill that he would have to walk up hill if it was false. This hasher pointed out the obvious that both of us were walking up a hill. The hares verbally abused poor TYCA and he started off on what was to be a false trail.

We entered into a dark, dark forest, something out of a Grimm fairy tale. And then details get fuzzy. Was it forest magic? Was it the combination of rum and tequila? Only Gispert knows. The pack ( does 4 hashers constitute a pack?) happened upon TYCA lying on the ground in a patch of sunlight. This hasher asked him if he was dead. His reply of “No, I’m working on my tan” earned a laugh from the group. The soused hounds had some issues finding trail, more fuzzy mammaries, abuse at TYCA for not counting at an “R” and then at the Hares for miscounting. We finally escaped the dark forest and found yet again another 750. This hasher found the champagne quickly and proceeded to struggle getting the top off. There was a discussion of what our first Ithaca Hash was to pass the time . I may have blacked out for while doing my own version of the Walking Dead. We arose at a glorious Hash View of Greek Peak. The sun was hot, we were hot. There may have been naked snow angels and dashing about in a meadow and flashing skiers coming down the hill. It’s spring. The fauns and woodland nymphs were celebrating Hash style.

After clothing was put back on, we wandered off and on-in to circle at Kicky’s car. Even more drinking ensued. Some hasher attempting to pee ended up sitting in a snow bank. Down-downs were happily accepted. TYCA picked up trail trash lying about the parking lot. It took all 5 of us to figure out the Hash Prayer. Not all of us would fit in Kicky’s car so Deer Near volunteered/was chosen (?) to stay behind. This Hasher may have taken a nap because miraculously with no mammaries was delivered to her car. We piled in our vehicles and went to pick up poor Dear Near. But alas, she was gone! We’d lost Dear Near! Were we in the right spot? Had she wandered off into the woods in a drunken stupor? We hoped that Kicky had snagged her so the caravan wandered down the hill to the ski lodge bar and grill. I’m still uncertain how she eventually got to the lodge.

Many moref fuzzy mammaries. PnP and TYCA got lost in the lodge coming back from the restrooms which resulted in a giggling fit about something or other. We ate, we hydrated. We considered loading TYCA onto a pair of skis to see what would happen. We tried to figure out what the giant dead animal was hanging on the wall. Deep stuff.

And then we departed

The Top 10 Moments from Ithaca’s 750th trail
10- Kicky and his GIANT bag of pretzel logs
9- Deer Near had a dead deer check and got her wish to have sex with a deer
8- Virgin Lay for Deer Near
7-OTD crashed 3 times in the same icey spot before Hash even started
6-750 mL bottle buried so well that PnP gave up looking for it
5-PnP had Muffin Tops courtesy of a too small sports bra
4-TYCA whining about being too new to know any songs. Also hill whining.
3-PnP and TYCA were FRB’s. The universe may have stopped spinning.
2- We lost Deer Near!!!
And finally!!!
1- At the orgy, Kicky asked if the Brown One was in yet.

IH3 #748: Farewell to February Trail

When: Sunday March 1st

Time: 1:69pm HST
Where: Plantations parking lot at the intersection of Caldwell & Forest Home Drive
We have survived the worst of all the months. F*ck February and everything that it brings with it. Let’s celebrate the 1st of March with a little revelry! Wear your happiest brightest colors and let’s say farewell to snow and cold!
Bring virgins and dogs (with a leash for both). Bring awards and accusations. Bring warm clothes and stupidity. Bring sleds if you can–let the hares know in advance if you intend to bring them/drop them off a-cranium of time.
On-on to a bright spring!
Peeg and Baster, your awesomest hares
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